Switch the lights off | Sneha Pathak

Always switch the lights off when you leave the room.

What would they say about me I wonder?
Long gone the happy one
The lucky one
The pretty one

The last few years
I was the sad one
The moody one
The crazy one

Long gone, everyone.

Would did say the good or the bad?
Or would it be lined with scorn or pity?
She lived a life of almosts
Big dreams
Too big for her
Look what happened

She wanted to be a writer
She wanted to change the world, remember?
But she was too broken
To do either

She dreamed big dreams
In the depths of her sorrow

Almost reaching the top of the well
Sometimes I managed to stick out my hand
Sometimes when I tried very hard I got my head out into the glorious wind

But something always dragged me back

She learned to live in the dark wetness of her mind
Blind and lost
Everyday was the same

I tried to change
I tried to change it all
But the trying got too hard

There was only one change left
And finally I tasted success.
It tasted like sleeping pills residue stuck to my tongue.

I wonder if my parents are okay.
I know they blame themselves.
Read the letter mom.
I remembered to turn off the lights after I left the room, this time.

Sneha Pathak writes on Indian Review