An Ode on Forgiveness | Vaishnavi Saritha

I forgive you
For all the hopes and dreams.
I forgive you 
All the broken promises we made.
I forgive you for not being my anchor
When I was being lapped up by the tides
I forgive you for not lighting my way when I was all alone and stumbling through Arden.
I forgive you for our imaginary baby boy
Who has your grey eyes and my curls.
I forgive you for painting the woody cottage down the hill.
I forgive you for sprouting saps of tenacity and desire.
I forgive you for reading me Jane Eyre.
I forgive you for making me fall in love with black coffee. 
I forgive you for teaching me all about bitcoins, NFT and International relations.
I forgive you for teaching me how to play für elise.
I forgive you for making me laugh to the point I cried.
I forgive you for teaching me how to bake.
I forgive you for all the late night rides through the busy streets, 
The smell on Pani puris* 
I can still taste it on my tongue.
I forgive you for making my parents laugh.
I forgive you for making my dog fall in love with you.
I forgive you for giving hope to your mother, I met her at the store last week
She still calls me on my birthdays.
I forgive you for connecting me with your father
Did you know he is sober for three years and has a six year old terrier
We still go fishing.
I forgive you for all the matches that you missed of your buddies from school.
Last month I saw T_ and had a coffee with him.
I forgive you for not stepping up when little Emma got cheated on.
She has a baby boy, just like ours.
She even named him after you.
I forgive you for all the missed football matches
I forgive you for making Bruno Mars not feel the same without you.
I forgive you for being in my heart after all these years 
Not allowing me to completely move on.
I forgive you for your nasty drinking
I forgive you for not being here with me while watching Grey's Anatomy .
I forgive you for getting into that car after I was on my knees begging you to stop.
I forgive you for making me fall in love, promising me an eternity.
And I finally forgive you for leaving this world behind
Hope you have found the closure that you were searching for these twenty years. 

In the loving memory of A_M_ ( 13 September 1998 - 24 August 2018) 

                                        
*Pani puri : (in Indian cooking) fried puff-pastry balls filled with spiced mashed potato, spiced water, and tamarind juice.

Vaishnavi Saritha is a literature student currently pursuing her Master’s degree from NSS College, Pandalam. She fell in love with literature after reading Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder. Her areas of interests include narratology , gothic fiction and Gender Studies.