Reminisce | Amaal Akhtar

I often dream about our evenings,
leaning out the window, half asleep,
feeling the cold winter wind
and the faint beats
of pub music it brings;
the zig-zag fairy lights below,
tinging everything a golden yellow,
loud giggles, flying hormones
and the haze of weekend cheer,

We found ourselves, together,
amid these dreamy spires,
these cobbled streets,
the smell of damp earth;
sprawled across your room,
in a companionable silence,
an amusing pile of assorted limbs,
thrown together with bottles of beer.

This is how I remember us,
sharing tangled emotions,
with surprising candour;
wild expectations from life
and mundane work woes,
some bad puns,
some inappropriate jokes;
revealing ourselves a little each time,
in casual banter and throwaway lines;
I remember our faces lined with mirth,
even as we were filled to the brim
with fears and hurt.

Just how did our paths merge,
in this surreal little town?
It never quite sinks in.
How do people become
so important to us?
I never quite understood.
But there we were
already ruminating,
and quietly missing,
the many moments
that passed us by
between groceries,
deadlines and libraries;
as we sat pontificating,
about how we’re all really
merely spokes in a giant wheel.

Those moments told endless stories
of friendships that took
their time to grow,
as the carefully built walls dissolved;
slowly, in the interstices
of lives that were a glorious mess;
Impossibly busy, but not fully lived,
with so many unspoken aches
of hearts lost, cracked and wounded,
but with so much love still to give.

So here’s to us,
as we hurtle down
these steep slopes,
outside our narrow
comfort zones,
to being not quite sure,
where we’re headed,
but finding solace,
in knowing we’re not alone.

Here’s to being
bundles of contradictions,
armed with strong minds
and upturned palms
that hold a few ounces
of earnestness,
sagely wisdoms,
and generous helpings
of vulnerability.
Here’s to being
the women we are,
and all we’re yet to be.

Indian poems in English from India and the world over: the leading literature and arts magazine.

Amaal Akhtar, introverted but loquacious, a postgraduate student of History and Area Studies from Delhi and Oxford universities, respectively. An academic-in-progress, I’m currently employed as an editorial intern in an independent academic publishing house