Weed of doubt | Christopher Antony

The New Delhi based son, while chatting over the phone with his cousin in Ernakulam, Kerala, South India, got wind of some serious problem brewing between his parents who were leading a retired life there. Though embarrassed to pry for details, a wave of uneasiness hurriedly ran through his veins. His worry intensified and putting aside his own family,work commitments, even financial constraints, he took the first available flight to Cochin.

His parents were pleasantly surprised to see him arrive. Everything seemed to be normal. After food, they sat around for a chat. As they kept chatting, the underlying issues causing the rift between the parents gradually started to emerge. There was a serious trust deficit. Both of them were going on and on, interrupting each other, blaming each other, and raising their voices. It was a struggle for the son to silence the parents and urge them to retire for the day.

The next day, the son had great difficulty convincing the parents to seek counselling. They were taken to a reputable counselling centre where both parents were spoken to separately and together. It emerged that the husband strongly suspected, and was actually convinced, that his wife was having an illicit relationship for a long time. This suspicion had led to frequent quarrels between them, even escalating to physical altercations.

At the counselling centre, the son was informed that it would be dangerous for the parents to live by themselves without anyone else at home. He was told that his father was just imagining things and his suspicions were unfounded. He would need further counselling. But for that counselling to be effective, he would need to be on medication first. However, when the father was told about taking medicines, he out rightly rejected it insisting that there was nothing wrong with him that required medication.

The son thought that it was best to take his parents over to New Delhi and seek medical help there. He requested for a report of their findings to produce in New Delhi, but they were unwilling to commit it in writing, although they did say verbally very emphatically that it was a strong case of ‘suspicion illness’.

This ‘suspicion illness’ had been present for a couple of decades or so, even when they were in New Delhi with children. But the children were not aware as it was then, apparently, it was not a very serious problem. It was a problem that should have been tackled right at the start. All kinds of issues should be attended at an early stage itself so that the problem doesn’t aggravate and get out of hand. It was, upon retirement, after they relocated to Pathadipaalam in Ernakulam that the problem accelerated.

The son convinced the parents to move to New Delhi for a short stay. There, both parents were subjected to another round of tests and interviews by a psychiatrist and psychologist at a reputable hospital, again coming to the conclusion that the problem of suspicion was severe with the husband and that medicines would have to be administered to keep it under check. Here again, he insisted that nothing was wrong with him. He refused the suggestion of medication and instead requested his wife be hypnotised to reveal her cheating on him.

This hospital, too, was vague in their assessment provided by way of a report, not wanting to put it down in writing though everything was said emphatically. Why is it that when it boils down to mental illness there is a reluctance of revealing in black and white the exact assessment? Or, is it that they are not cent percent sure? Is it so, in all such cases? Would some expert shed some light on this?

Nothing came out of the efforts of the children to reconcile their parents, as their father would staunchly and stubbornly stick to his stupid beliefs and thoughts without an iota of proof whatsoever, not even the slightest doubt. What his sick mind told him was sufficient proof enough for him. Though he went on abusing and mentally torturing his wife, he projected a pleasant disposition to the outside world with extra fine manners and exaggerated courtesy, wanting to please, to the extent of flattery, all and sundry. Is that a symptom of ‘suspicion illness’?

The sickness in his mind could have found root decades ago. The problem was that almost every marriage was arranged, and not all such marriages were between fully consenting minds. Though such marriages also seem to get on well for a long period of time in their married life, it may not last; The dormant devil of unfulfilled desire, lurking in the recesses of their minds, awakens now and then. Unable to go back in time, frustration sets in and sometimes takes the form of suspicion, marring the present to the future. Such minds dredge up old wounds and dig out new dirt. Not to say that the scourge of suspicion is absent in so-called love marriages, but perhaps, on a much smaller scale.

The warring couple returned to their abode in Pathadipalam, the vernacular Malayalam term for ‘ten-foot bridge’. They only had to take ‘pathh adi’, that is ten steps, to reconcile. But the cancer of suspicion had become irreparable, yet largely hidden and unknown to most people. They slept separately under the same roof, hurting each other emotionally but, surprisingly, helping each other physically in household chores. This was the only silver lining and saving grace in their drab life.

The ageing couple had saved enough for their sunset years by investing in income-generating and wealth-creating financial instruments, and could have lived a tension free happy life, enjoying the fruits of their labour, without being a burden or ‘botheration’ for their children. But now they seem to be bent on destroying what they built, the anger and frustration weakening their physical immunity and shortening their life, which may be a good thing. Why to live unduly long when the relationship is strained?

The son too came down to Ernakulam again from New Delhi to make a last-ditch effort to drive some sense into the sick mind of his father. It is arguably stated that suspicion is inborn in females. Only the intensity or degree of it varies from female to female. And when these traits typically associated with females creeps into a man, it can be very creepy. Some parents fail to understand how much their children are concerned about them. They do not realize the strain and tension they give their children, far exceeding the tension the children gave their parents when young.

As a cooling effect, he took his parents to the hill station Munnar in Kerala. They went about sightseeing. On the second day, on one such outing, as the son was walking together with their vehicle driver a little ahead of his parents, he was startled by his mother’s scream and a weakening sound of his father. His father had tripped, slipped and was falling into a gorge below.

Overwhelmed by shock, the son did not know what to do. But the driver, being an experienced local guy in the know of such situations, gathered courage and quickly sought help from the authorities. The dead body was recovered with considerable difficulty and released to the son as there was nothing to suspect the least.

Upon receiving the tragic news, The other children, working in different cities, also came down. After the rituals, each of the children volunteered to take their mother over to their place. But the mother was adamant that she be on her own alone. The children had this nagging doubt whether the mother, who was as healthy as the father, if not healthier, could have pushed their father down the gorge to eliminate him. They wondered whether their mother actually had an illicit affair as was claimed by their father. But they didn’t talk to each other about such thoughts. It is essential that everything, even the silliest claim, the silliest doubt is thoroughly probed at the right time, to avoid silly misgivings later.

Christopher Antony worked in Bombay/Mumbai before settling in his hometown Kochi to spend his retirement years. Post-retirement, he has kept himself engaged through creative pursuits, writing reviews of a few films in Hindi, Malayalam, and Tamil for a web portal, creating renditions of poems for a YouTube channel, and recording songs in several languages on his phone since the lockdown. His motto: “The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best” – extended to “wrote best.”