In the name of honor. | Areeba Nasir

She pierced the scimitar into her mother’s bosom and twisted it barbarously. She stabbed her again and again and again, shouting in pain. Her agonized voice had filled the surroundings, she looked like a child separated from her mother in a procession, the cacophonous sound concealed the helpless cries, and no one could hear the pain. She continued stabbing till the body of her mother, which was fluttering like a fish thrown out of water, came to a still.

Sneha pulled out the weapon from her mother’s heart, with full force. Tiny eyes emanating rage were bulging out. Her greasy hair was spread dramatically over the shoulders. She was panting like a hound, which had traced fresh blood. Blood dripping scimitar clinched in the hand and her impetuosity to exterminate the customary law reminded of the Hindu goddess of change “Kaali”.

Before putting an end to the life of her birth giver, Sneha was just an ordinary girl. Only sister of two brothers, Sneha was brought up with lot of care and protection, which ultimately lead to a restricted life. Her father, Ramesh Kashyap held a high position in the government office. Ramesh was one of those men, who joined the government office as clerks but dreamt of being officers someday. Few years back after the death of his father, Ramesh took over his position as a peon in a government office. However the dreams of upward mobility almost fractured, when Ramesh tried to play honest and high-principled. He then decided to start his dealings from under the table, in common man’s language “Chai Paani”. He took maximum advantage of being an employee of Government of India and in no less time, his khaki color shirt, was replaced by a starched white shirt. Faux white leather shoes replaced the overused chappals. He was a devotee of a self styled God man Guru Hari dev, without whose permission, none of his plans materialized and also a worshipper of kaali. A thick gold chain around the neck and all eight fingers laden with different color stone rings reflected his devotion.
Sneha’s questioning mind and vehemence was the result of her father’s affection towards her. Her mother on the other hand enjoyed controlling, more. Illiteracy had made her a woman of myopic vision, thus she refused to look beyond the traditions and customs fabricated by religion and propagated by society. Born and brought up in a religiously orthodox family of small village on the outskirts of Banaras, Sneha’s mother, Neelu discouraged the changes society was facing. Her chained thinking often collided with Sneha’s liberated one.

“Who brought these parrots, Mummy?” Sneha asked on seeing two beautiful and alluring birds sitting morosely in an iron cage, hanging on the arch of her palatial living room.
“Your Sonu mama had gone to Lal Quila, he bought these for you. Neelu replied happily.
“Lovely birds, such vibrant colors, can I take them on terrace Maa?” She asked her mother.
“Sure”.
She detached the cage from the arch to take the birds on a ride with her. She was constantly talking to them and kept on inserting her finger in the cage as if trying to poke the parrots. Meanwhile Neelu had divided the household chores between her daughters in law and prepared to leave the house to visit her neighbor. She covered her head with her saree palloo. The drape however did not serve its purpose; it partly covered her swelling breasts and her naked belly fell over the tightly knotted petticoat. Her neatly parted oily hair with a canal of red color sindoor and a big round bindi in the center of the forehead made her an epitome of an average Indian household woman. Before she could leave, Sneha returned with the cage.
“Where are the birds?” Neelu asked shockingly.
“I freed them” Sneha replied going into her room. She did not stay to be confronted any further.
Later that evening a complaint was filed against Sneha in the court of their home, which was judged by her father.
“Your daughter is insensitive towards other’s feelings.” Neelu complained to Ramesh.
“I cared enough for the feelings of those birds, thus I let them fly.” Sneha responded.
“She did not care for my brother’s feelings.”
Ramesh was peacefully sitting on this leather couch with a cup of tea, whose aroma had filled the room. Sneha was munching on a pack of chips, sitting right in front of her father.
“Why did you do that, Gudiya?” He asked politely.
“They wanted it, they were unhappy, I saw it in them” Sneha replied keeping down the packet of chips.
“Some other bird might kill them, they were safe with us, plenty of food and care, they would have been happy” Ramesh tried to convince his daughter, while Neelu stared in anguish.
“I think no matter how luxurious it is, a life governed by someone else is always a burden” she replied.
Ramesh was getting to know more of his daughter’s unorthodox and unconventional views. It was not very pleasant. He feared rebellion in future. Her mother was still furious over her brother’s gift; rest did not matter to her. Both her sisters in law as per routine listened to Sneha, while doing the household chores. We can feed the stomachs of caged birds but not their starving souls, which crave only liberty. Sneha explained how we become the Gods of the ones we enslave, we feed them when we wish, and we love them when we wish. We believe the caged birds sing while in reality it’s their helpless cry and pain of separation. Beauty of life is in searching, on your own, that which hides deep in you.

* * * * * *

“I am worried, I want Sneha to get married as soon as possible” Neelu shared her insecurities with her husband.
Ramesh however was too busy watching the happenings around the globe.
“Suraj k papa, are you even listening to me?” she said angrily.
Ramesh lowered the volume of the television. He placed the remote on his paunch, which had become more prominent in the yellowish white sleeveless vest, which he was wearing.
“What?” he said irritatingly.
“I want Sneha to get married now,”
“ok, I will ask her” he said inserting his finger in his ear and shaking it vigorously. He seemed disinterested.
“We don’t seek girl’s permission for marriage.” Neelu said.
“But, we need to tell her at least”.
“Fathers don’t talk to girls about marriages, leave this to me”.
“Fine”. Ramesh switched off the lights and turned his back towards Neelu to sleep.
Apprehensions and worries had robbed off sleep from Neelu’s eyes. She kept on staring at the crystal chandelier hanging right on top of her bed. Her mind went back to the time when Sneha had developed sympathy for the neighbor’s goat and had unfastened its rope to let it free. A Muslim family living across the street owned the goat. Poor people had been feeding it for past two weeks. It was an Eid goat thus all the love that was being showered was only to feast on its meat after few days. The night before Eid, goat could not be found anywhere in the vicinity. No one ever got to know the reason of sudden disappearance but Sneha had mentioned it to his parents after witnessing the furor and frenzy. Neelu had slapped her really hard that day, but Sneha showed no signs of regret.

The other morning Sneha got up late for college, she rushed to make it on time for her early Modern India lecture.
“Bhabhi, give me something to eat, I am so late”. She said going in the direction of kitchen.
“Don’t enter the kitchen, stay away”. Neelu shrieked on seeing Sneha enter her pure Rasoi.
“Maa, you scared me”. She said pressing her chest.
“So many times have I told you not to enter the kitchen when you are menstruating”.
“Seriously? Like really Maa?” she said angrily.
A menstruating woman and a low caste shudra were no different in India. Both were deprived of their rights. Neelu highly endorsed the stigma and taboo associated with periods. Under her dictatorship, no bleeding woman was allowed to enter the pure kitchen and befoul it. She made sure that both her bahus slept on a jute rug rather than the comfortable beds besides their husbands, when on their periods. It was believed that an impure woman would contaminate everything she touched. Sneha at no time cleaved to it. Despite her mother’s warning, she did not hesitate in entering the kitchen. That was an end of Neelu’s endurance. Her rasoi, which was her temple, had been polluted and all the food was ruined. Neelu stormed in the kitchen and slapped her daughter so hard that the other moment she was on floor, appalled and teary. Neelu slapped Sneha again, caught hold of her arm and yanked her out of the kitchen.
“Don’t you dare do this again, if I say no then it is a no”, Neelu said to her.
Sneha could not utter a word, her mother’s actions had pushed her into severe misery, and she failed to justify such misconduct. From the day she started understanding life, Sneha repudiated Neelu’s teachings. She considered her mother’s religious customs unreasonable. Contradicting thoughts and wholly different approaches towards life had constructed an unbreakable wall between the mother and her daughter. Although initially at every step Sneha tried to reach her mother’s heart, but Neelu’s rigidity and vanity did not allow her to accept that Sneha might be correct. Neelu hated her daughter’s way of life and often blamed her husband and education for the damage. To further induce rage in her mother, she would often question the traditions and rituals, which were a gift of their ancestors. And could never trust her father’s guru Hari dev. She hardly attended the bhajan kirtans, saying that God resided in her heart and she did not need to stand in front of him with folded hands. She challenged the system at every step, which had made her very unpopular among the social circle. In return of what was considered misdemeanor, Sneha had to face her mother’s wrath at every step.

* * * * * *

“We want you to get married now,” Neelu said to Sneha.
On listening to this, her work came to a halt. She paused for a moment, rolled her eyeballs and said “What?”
“You heard it right” said Neelu.
“Did you ask pappa?” She questioned.
Out of all the six members of her house, her father was the only one she counted on for some support.
“What would he say?” her mother added.
“I don’t want to marry, Maa, not now at least”, she pleaded.
“I cannot keep you in my house any further, you are spoiling my bahus.” She gave a reason. Both the bahus looked at each other while working in the kitchen.
“Thanks for telling it’s your house” Sneha said with a heavy voice. To hide her tears from her mother, she departed from the room.

Later that evening a woman from adjacent house had come to visit Neelu. Every mohalla has some aunties who are self-appointed detectives in disguise of a well wisher. They make sure that the parents get exclusive information about their kids, wives get hidden information about their husbands and one household gets the news of other. That lady had as per rule given some exclusive information about Sneha. She told Neelu that she had seen Sneha sitting on a bike with Kumar ji’s son Prakash, who lived two houses away from the Kashyaps. Such news coming from a fellow neighbor caused destruction equivalent to the destruction caused by atom bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Neelu decided to involve Ramesh in the matter. She refrained from confronting Sneha on her own.
Ramesh arrived early with his two sons that evening. The air of the house seemed tensed. Ramesh had sensed the uneasiness. Neelu was resting on the couch, with her dupatta tied around her forehead. Both the daughters in law were massaging her feet while she was moaning. Her dramatic over reaction was the result of excessive over dose of daily soaps.
“What’s wrong?” Ramesh asked.
“Thank god you are home”, Neelu said, opening her eyes.
“We need to talk,” She added.
Ramesh pulled out two mobile phones from his pocket and placed them on the end table. Both of his sons, Suraj and Rakesh also sat down with him. One of them ordered his wife to bring some water.
“Relax a bit, then we can talk,” Neelu asked Ramesh.
“That’s ok; tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked.
Neelu commanded her bahus to go inside, and called out for Sneha.
Entire story was narrated to the three men of the family. Earth shifted beneath all of them, including Sneha.
“Is that true?” Ramesh asked in a strict tone.
Sneha stood in front of all her protectors with a blank face. She kept mum, staring at her feet and rubbing her fingers against one another. After a long pause she finally nodded in affirmation. Her confirmation resulted in eruption of Neelu’s anger. She started thrashing her demoniacally.
“I knew you will bring bad name to the family, I always knew” Neelu shouted while thrashing her with her shoe.
“But Maa, listen to me” Sneha pleaded.
“Shut up”
“I did not do anything wrong Maa” Sneha tried to explain.
After the thrashing session ended, all of them decided to listen to the sobbing girl. No auto rikshaw could be found in the area, it was then Prakash had offered lift to Sneha and she had accepted, to reach college on time. Ramesh realized his wife had been angry unnecessarily. He embraced Sneha, after calming her down; he tried to justify her mother’s anger. He told her that women are the honor of the family. Each day when Sneha goes out she takes family’s honor along. She has to protect herself and the honor of the family. Sneha freed herself from her father’s embrace.
“I am no one’s honor, I am a human, treat me like one. Do not burden me with this honor baggage, free me pappa, please free me”. Sneha said with voice shivering and tears rolling down.

Sneha had challenged the age-old belief of honor. She was sure that she was not responsible for any one’s honor. For her honor was nothing but a conceptual black hole, it was nothing but a state of mind. Love for which, forced humans to commit all sorts of crimes. Every individual struggles to protect the honor, ending up being full of pride and prejudice. Sneha was not ready to live by society’s standards.

* * * * * *

Sneha was preparing to be a political science graduate in another two months. That night she was peacefully studying in the dim glow of her desk lamp for her final year exams. Loud noise and screams hindered her concentration. Soon her brother stormed into her room, red in rage. He threw away all her books, scattering them all over the room. Sneha was too shocked to react.
“What were you doing in that park with Prakash?” He questioned.
Sneha dropped her pen out of fear. She got up from her chair nervous and frightened.
“What are you saying bhaiya?” she responded lowering her eyes.
He clenched her hair, almost ripping them apart from her scalp, she cried in pain. Suraj dragged her out of the room to where the entire family was present. This time Neelu did not order her daughter in laws to go inside. Suraj had already told the Ramesh and Neelu about his sister’s misdeeds.
“I accept, I was there, I was there with Prakash, but ask bhaiya what was he doing over there?’ Sneha.
Suraj gave her a tight slap.
“Suraj” Ramesh shouted.
“You know Maa, that park is known for all type of indecency” Suraj added.
On interrogating, the family discovered that Sneha was in love with Prakash. Both of them have been seeing each other from past one year. Where on one hand Ramesh wanted to consider his daughter’s choice, the rest of the family especially Neelu opposed it. Sneha was a high caste Brahmin whereas Prakash a low caste kumar. Sneha had never considered that difference a difference. Ramesh’s tilt towards Sneha worried Neelu; fear of blasphemy had crept in her. She explained the consequences of inter caste marriage to her husband. They could not ignore the malignant, the community would look down on her marriage and they would charge them for polluting the caste. They dwelled in a society whose rules they had to follow. Neelu touched the weak aspect of Ramesh; she mentioned Guru hari dev and no more words were needed to convince him. Sneha however believed her mother was fussing over the benign.
“You will not meet that boy ever again”, Ramesh said.
“I want to marry him Pappa”.
“Shameless girl, you are narrating your love story to your father,” Neelu interrupted.
“Then who should I share it with, the neighbors?” Sneha shouted.
The other moment Sneha was lying on the floor and Neelu was showering slaps on her. She ordered Suraj to lock her in the room and make sure she is not able to communicate with anyone. Sneha tried to free herself from Suraj’s tight grip but failed.
“Savita bhabhi, ask your husband what was he doing in that park which has such a bad name. Sneha shouted on top of her lungs.
Suraj loosened his grip; there was silence in the room only Sneha’s sobbing could be heard. Everyone stared at Suraj. Fear had conquered Neelu’s face.
“Pappa, bhaiya was there in the park with some girl, he goes there often, Prakash had told me,” Sneha said running towards her father.
“She is lying” Suraj tried to conceal his truth.
Savita stared at her husband in astonishment tears had welled up. It seemed that without even listening to the whole story, she had believed that her husband had an illicit relationship.
“Lock her in the room right now,” Neelu shouted.
That night was the most silent night of Kashyap niwas. Everything was still as graveyard. No one had gone to sleep. To prevent a new relationship, foundations of existing relationships were crumbled.

* * * * * *

Sneha’s wish to marry Prakash did not die despite of her family’s endless torture. Confined to the four walls of her room for more than a week, with little or no food and endless cries, Sneha had turned extremely pale. She cried day and night without being noticed. No one paid heed to her except for her father who would seldom visit her and try to convince. The reason her family gave could not convince Sneha to leave Prakash. Neelu was also a regular visitor, but whenever she visited the only thing that was heard outside were the shouts and cries of Sneha. Often sisters in law of Sneha ended up crying for her. But her mother showed no mercy. She told Sneha that she would not allow her to put family to shame. She can die and kill to save the honor of her family.
One day Sneha had questioned her mother about something whose answer further shattered Sneha.
“Why don’t you question bhaiya about that girl,” She asked Neelu.
“I have known about this girl from the beginning. Neelu said.
“You did not stop him, wouldn’t this destroy the honor of your family?”
“He is a man, he has some needs, have you seen your bhabhi? That unattractive woman can make any man run away from her.”
Sneha was rendered speechless. She discovered a new face of traditions which was hypocrisy. The rules were so different for men and women. Knock on the door pulled her out of her deep thoughts.
“What?” Neelu shouted.
Savita opened the door with lowered eyes to inform about the sudden arrival of Prakash, who had come looking for Sneha. Suraj and Rakesh considered it their duty, thus started beating him. Sneha’s weak limbs gained strength on hearing her beloved’s name. She rushed outside to protect Prakash from her beastly brothers.
She hugged him and kissed him all over his wounded face. Prakash was unconscious.
“I will tell the police and have you all arrested,” She shouted and cried.
Neelu had had enough of her daughter’s rebellion and blasphemy. She had sensed that the honor of her family was in grave danger. The traditions and customs she had kept alive for so long were about to die. On her order, the bahus, closed all the windows and doors of the house.
“Separate them,” She said.
Both her sons separated Sneha and Prakash. Neelu began pouring kerosene oil on her daughter.
“What are you doing Maa?” she asked shockingly.
Kerosene oil had covered her tears. No one could now see the flow of water from the eyes.
“You have ruined everything, you brought disgrace to the family” Neelu said emptying the can on her daughter.
“Pappa, Maa is killing me,” She called out for her father like always.
Fear of bad name and disgrace had blinded him. Tears which had filled his eyes, rolled down when he closed them and turned his back towards her gudiya.

“Pappa, Pappa” she shouted harder.
She called out her brothers; both had turned their backs too. Soon she realized none would save her life. Neelu had gone to get the matchstick. Drenched in kerosene oil from head to toe, terror had overcome the fearless girl. Sneha slithered to the big goddess Kali idol placed adjacent to the big door of her house. Her sisters in law stood in one corner crying helplessly. Neelu brought the matchstick from the kitchen, she walked really slow. She did not wish to see Sneha’s face.
“Maa, don’t kill me” she pleaded.
“You left me with no other option, you have to die, to save the honor,” said Neelu.

With shivering hands Neelu lit the matchstick, when she was about to throw it on her. Sudden strength had crept in Sneha; she pulled out the scimitar from the Kaali idol. She pierced the scimitar into her mother’s bosom and twisted it barbarously.

Neelu died on the spot.
The three men were crying beside the body of Neelu, which lay in the pool of blood, while Sneha rested her head on the foot of the idol.
“Why did you do this?” Her father asked crying.
“Honor,” Sneha replied.

The bahus smiled.

 

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Areeba Nasir is the author of the novel “No Exit” published in 2012. It is a story of a Kashmiri boy who escapes his war torn homeland for a better life (focuses on human rights violation in Kashmmir) . Areeba lives in Los Angeles, United States, and is currently working on a second novel.