A Case on the Moon | Uday Agarwal

Part I – Moonstruck Poet’s Guild receives a summon.

The moon is embarrassed. The moon is embarrassed seeing the eyes of my beloved. The eyes possessing such innocence that they could melt the heart of the most ardent followers and at times so intense that they could awaken the souls that have lost hope. When her brows arches in laughter, the world sees a reason to smile. The moon is embarrassed seeing the blush on my beloved’s cheeks. The blush so red that it could make anyone weak in knees. The colour of it, so intense, that it could transform any rebellion into revolution. The moon is embarrassed seeing the lips of my beloved. The lips that seemed to have the power to command the present and foretell the future. The red lips that seemed to add colour to the evening sky. The moon is bewildered to see a brighter star. Her very presence makes the moon jealous.

The poet, dead lost in his thoughts, is brought to a sudden reality by the ring of the doorbell. Poet with all the poise emulating royalty got up and walked to the door. It was the postmaster. The poet who had a habit of using poetry to talk, asked the postmaster:  

“Whose musings has this humble poet disrupt,
Is it a whisper from the past or a prophecy from the celestial world?”

The postmaster, captivated by the poets’ style, tried to answer him in a similar fashion.

“If it is it a hush, prophecy, whisper or a sound,
One would only know when the letter is unbound.”

The poet, wearing a slight smirk, took out the letter and started reading it. The poet was in an utter shock. He was amazed to read the contents of the letter. His face grew pale and emotions like confusion and amazement were palpable from the expressions of his face. Postmaster seeing such a strong reaction, too got invested and asked:

“Who has written what,

That your colour is so flushed
Reveal to me, o master!
What has made you hush.”

Poet cleared his throat and whispered in a low voice, “It is a summon”. And then regaining his composure and confidence continued very passionately in a loud voice, as if delivering some profound revelations from God.

“It is a summon, o dear.

Moon, jealous of my beloved’s beauty
Has filed a case against me and my peers.”

The Moon had filed a defamation case against the “Moonstruck Poet’s Guild (MPG)” for allegedly using his beauty and name to lure their beloveds. The poet in a haste closed the door and opened his WhatsApp group which had hundreds of mixed reactions from his fellow poets.

Some poets were cursing the moon for registering such a grievous case. Some were blaming other fellow poets for over-using the moon’s name. There were some poets who even blamed their own beloved, saying:

Oh, my dearest dear, if to love you is a heinous crime,

Then yes, I am guilty. Punish me. To my fate, I resign. 

And the last class of poets who sleep, dream, eat and repeat thinking just about their dream girl. The class that is too romantic to change, didn’t hold back from reciting poetry on such a grave occasion too:

“O beloved, look what your lovelorn lover has done for you,

Moon himself had to descend from the sky to gaze upon you.”

Part II – At the Court

In a few days, the case became the buzz of the town. Discussions about the case were flooding news outlets and Social Media platforms. Both the Moon and the Moonstruck Poets Guild were set to be represented by a government lawyer. Though, the Poet’s Guild desired to engage a prominent law firm for their defence but much like their unrequited love, their aspiration for a private law firm had to remain unfulfilled. While poets may have prolifically penned romantic verses about their lives, it seemed that their romantic prowess failed to secure them a quality private lawyer.

The courtroom was all set. General public was also allowed to attend the hearing. A live telecast of the hearing was also being done on YouTube. Everyone was invested in the case. Judge assumed his position and asked everyone to take their seat. He spent next few minutes organizing his desk, going through some brief notes, and conversing with his assistants. All eyes were fixed on the judge’s every move. There was an atmosphere of excitement. This kind of craze for a court hearing was never witnessed before. Once everything was in order, the judge raised his gavel and emphatically banged it hard on his desk. And with the bang of the gavel, the case of the moon began.

Part III – Hearing Begins

Mrs Chandni Agarwal was a government lawyer and was representing moon. She was of a strong belief that beauty is more than what meets the eyes, and poets who just talk about woman’s body forget that there is a mind inside that body that thinks and works just like any other man. Hence, fighting for the moon, she saw it as a way to fight against the witty poets that she despised.

Mrs Chandni came forward and started presenting the case.

“Your Honor, the poets have been wrongfully using my clients name to sing songs about someone whom they address as their beloved.

They have been using phrases like chehra hai ya chaand Khila hai (Is this a face or a blooming moon), chand si meri Mehboob (My beloved is like the moon), dekha tujhe toh chaand bhi sharma gaya (When he saw you, even the moon blushed) without obtaining any written consent from my client.

They have shamelessly used the name of the illustrious celestial body – The moon, as a mere matchmaker to advance their romantic interests. Just to entice a poor girl, they’ve proclaimed, “chaand sifarish hai karta tumhari” (Moon recommends on your behalf). Your Honor, I fail to comprehend why my client is being pushed in in such trivial matters. What business does the moon have coming between two ordinary people?

And if that wasn’t enough, some poets even hurled physical threats at my client, exclaiming, “chaand tare tod lau aur, sari duniya par main sajau” (I will bring moon and stars and adorn the whole world). I want to ask the poets what the poor moon has done to you that you are plotting such a devious act against him.

Some poets have even claimed that they had heart-to-heart talks with the moon about their beloved, stating things like “maine pucha chand se ke dekha hai kahin” (I asked the moon if he has seen someone like you anywhere) or “chaand ne yeh kaha, raat ne kuch suna” (The moon whispered, and the night listened). But it is entirely false. In fact, my client denies meeting anyone as beautiful or alluring as poets describe in their poems and verses.

And, even if, hypothetically speaking, one was to entertain the notion that poets have used moon as their inspiration, what on Earth is this audacious behaviour of body-shaming my client. My Honor, poets have boldly claimed, “chaand pe kitne daag, pr mere mehboob jaisa koi nhi.” (There may be spots on the moon, but there is no one like my beloved). It’s a mockery, Your Honor. It’s an utter mockery at the cost of my clients sparkling reputation. I demand strict actions to be taken against theses poets and demand compensation.

Mrs Chandni, unlike her subtle name presented a very strong case. Now it was the turn of defendant to speak. It was led by Mr Shayar Verma. He was a poet himself and was known for his flamboyant and flirtatious demeanour. He too had published his poetic anthology titled, “Moon’s guide to look beautiful”. It was filled with enchanting spells like verses dedicated to his beloved. Verma believed if the moon happened to read them someday, he would gain a deep insight on what real beauty is. Due to his personality, he felt a strong connection with the poets’ cause. Verma began:

“My Honor, let me begin by expressing my admiration for my fellow colleague, Mrs Chandni, whose presence here is like the pleasant gush of the wind, whose eyes like someone would die for, tresses like they could engulf all the problems of the world. In totality, she is the human manifestation of her name Chandni.”

Everyone in the court roared with “Wah Wah!! Wah Wah!!”. Mrs Chandni who wasn’t expecting such remarks turned red. And the judge with banging his gavel over his table screamed “Order!! Order!!” Judge warned Verma to stick to the facts of the case.

“Apologies, your Honor.”, said Verma. “But whenever I see someone or something so beautiful as Mrs Chandni, my heart falters and my lips take control of my voice.”.

“Then I would ask the defence to fight this case with their mind instead”, Mrs Chandni replied with a sly smile.

The room echoed with laughter.

Verma continued with his defence. “Your Honor, the plaintiff’s claims are nothing more than a publicity stunt aimed at tarnishing my party’s reputation. I want to ask the esteemed court that if not for these poets, would anyone even bother to notice the moon? Moon would appear and go but no one would even look at the sky. It is because of these poets that people not just look at the moon but look at it him like it’s moonlight personifies the grace of their beloved, his whiteness her beauty and its rotundity, the perfect craving of their beloved’s face.”

Again, hearing these lines, the crowd screamed “Wah Wah!! Wah Wah!!” and the judge “Order!! Order!!”.

Mrs Chandni got up from her chair and now directly addressing Verma said, “But the moon has never asked these puny poets for fame or money. Then why they are doing it”.

Verma turned to Mrs Chandni, and with a slight smirk, replied in his flirtatious style.

[I admit, I've made a lovely error alongside each misstep,

But give me a bit of affection along with the consequences.

-Kaifi Azmi]

“Your Honor, if to make someone rich and famous is a crime. Then I confess. Yes, we poets have committed the most beautiful crime ever witnessed”.

This time some people in the crowd rose to their feet and shouted with full passion and enthusiasm that is typically reserved only for India vs Pakistan cricket match, “Wah Wah!! Wah Wah!!”. This time even the judge was amused but to maintain order in the court, repeated the customary “Order!! Order!!”

Mrs Chandni stepped in and argued, “But your Honor it is not about doing good or bad for someone, but it is a matter of consent. If my party doesn’t consent for using its name than how can someone use its name. I would also draw my lordships attention to an old case where women also fought for consent”.

Verma interjected, “But your honor, if something is beautiful that why one should not claim that it is beautiful. Take, for instance, my respected colleague here. Whenever she stands to speak, my heart stumbles, whenever she turns to address me, seeing her eyes my heart mumbles, and whenever she feigns her anger on my remarks, my heart in fear rumbles. O, my poor heart, look what this tyrant’s beauty has done to you.”

“I would advise my colleague to probably get a heart transplant if he is having too much problem with his heart”, Mrs Chandni responded with a slight blush that was palpable from her smile.

Now, the laughs and Wah Wahs !!! become a customary. Even the judge got used to them. Verma, with his cheeky remarks, had become a crowd favourite. The proceedings began to resemble more of a Mushaira (Poetic Symposium) than a formal court hearing.

“My Lady, I simply meant to say there is no harm in appreciating the beauty. Even the great poet John Keats once said, ‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever.’ So, would my esteemed colleague here,” addressing the judge this time, “Would put such a big poet behind bars?”

“If someone hires me for that case, I surely would. But since today we have not gathered to hear that case, I would not.”, Mrs Chandni replied,

Room roared with laughter. Judge banged his gavel and asked everyone to maintain silence in the court. Verma continued,

“Now, I wish to draw my Lordship’s attention to a more significant aspect of the case. For centuries, the moon has been used a metaphor by mothers to speak about the beauty of their child. Phrases like ‘chaand ka katoora’ (moon’s container) or ‘chaand sa mera lal’ (as beautiful as the moon) have been a commonplace. Some mothers have even claimed family ties with the moon, saying ‘Chanda Mama Door ke’ (Uncle Moon is far away). The moon has been extensively utilized as a metaphor by mothers, arguably more so than by poets. There the moon did not raise any objection. So, why today? It’s like: “

“Hum aah bhi kare toh ho jate hai badnaam

Wuh qatl bhi kare toh charcha nhi hoti”

[If we draw even a sigh, our honour is slurred

If they even take a life, not a whisper is heard.
-Dagh Dehlvi]

“Why don’t the moon file a case on all the mothers.”, Verma asked.

Mrs Chandni responded, “Because we don’t want these poets to compare their beloved’s ordinary beauty to the illustrious celestial body that is the moon. The moon has no problem with the children, who are considered the incarnation of God.”

“Lie, all lies”, Verma continued, now adopting a bit of Bollywood flair. “Your Honor, Mrs Chandni is scared because if such a case were to rise, then even she would be a convict in the court. I would like to quote Mrs Chandni who once wrote for her son”.

O my little Moonpie,

You are like the apple of my eye.
Your presence gives me eternal joy,
You are the most beautiful creature; this even the moon can’t deny

Everyone raised their eyebrows in awe. Little murmuring started in the court. Judge also gnawed and started making notes, discussing with his assistants.

Mrs Chandni, a bit hesitantly now, “But It is an entirely different case my lord?”

However, the judge raised his hand, cutting her off. Judge’s assistant stepped forward, instructing everyone to remain seated as the judge prepared to deliver his decision. The judge commenced.

I feel the court has heard enough. Whether it be Mrs. Chandni stressing the importance of seeking consent or the poets’ persistent use of the moon as a source of inspiration. In my view, an artist’s work serves as their most potent expression, and if something serves as motivation and inspiration for them, it should be acknowledged and appreciated. However, I am also aware that along with individual freedom comes the responsibility of respecting the rights of others.

And hence the court has reached a conclusion whereby poets would be obligated to give due credit to the moon when using its name in their poems. They would be required to add a small moon emoji to the end of every poem where they have used moon’s reference. As a returning gesture, court would also expect the moon to cut on his holidays and work on even on the night of the new moon, so that poets can feel inspired and write about their beloved even on that day. I would also advice both parties to cooperate and collaborate and understand their symbiotic coexistence. Hum tumse hai aur tum humse. From this day forth, let it be a slogan for your new kindled relationship.

And when the ambiance of the room is so Poetic, I couldn’t culminate my judgement without quoting this couplet by Ameer Minai.

[Where in this world does one’s beloved's beauty not reside

if the zeal for sight you have, the vision too provides]

And once again, the crowd erupted in applause. This time, even the Judge joined in. And the resonance of Wah Wah!! Wah Wah!! serenaded freely through the courtroom.

Uday Agarwal, founder of a Delhi-based start-up, seamlessly juggles between work and his various artistic pursuits that he shares on Instagram (@udayagarwalofficial). His writings have also been featured on MKGandhi.org.