The Circus Scoot | Oren Tamira

A ray of light hit me from the sky, for minutes the phosphene effect filled my eyes with a red torch. I opened my eyes and turned to the right, there was a towel, sunglasses, tanning oil and a bottle of scotch. Many people were lying and sitting around me, yet few were leaning on the stele.“ Live your life eternally and eternity will save you from the dead” read the erect ornamental stone slab next to me. My mother, my wife and my sister stood broken carrying a bunch of flowers looking at me. I hated them here, so I shooed them away… but they stood by my side and did not answer a word and walked away.

I sent God an SOS SMS and walked to the dock and boarded the ferry. “Grasses are greener on the other side” said my inner voice. In minutes, I reached my haven. The place was not new to me, I think, I spent my thirties in this place to confirm that I booked a cart to the Decade street on the east side of the city. I walked out of the ferry point and crossed the road. The Iron horse skated towards me pulling a cart carriage. On careful observation, I saw the token number SBI1202N678007 punched to its ear. Sensors were replaced for eyes, a magnificent sight like the skeleton watches, when the Iron stallion moved the insidious metal organs moved but it looked very much different than an equicier which is used in therapeutic and rehabilitation facilities. I walked to the back of the cart and hopped in. It was dark and cold inside the coupe, I felt like floating on water in minutes the air and water matched my skin temperature.

Suddenly the voice inside the cart asked “ come on man…don’t you wear a shirt?…”.

I replied with the fashionable hippie slogan “ If it feels good then do it”.

Again the voice said “ why not, do it… who can stop you?…”

I said “The society…that’s what scares me… in the secret of their eyes…”

“Now you must understand why I told you?” said the voice in a humoristic tone

“ I am an exception…my people too…” said I

“Interesting…can I learn from you…” it requested.

I was baffled for a moment and got on my senses. I saw the burst of a supernova with innumerous colors rounding and rounding and expanding in the limitless screen. I almost felt giddy watching it… Suddenly the screen opened its eyes and a beautiful hostess appeared on the screen and said “ Welcome onboard ….” then the galaxy expanded in the spherical infinite dark screen.

After a few seconds there was an advertisement on the screen.

“Now you can grant us access, if you would like to teach us your experiences for the future human welfare…”

We have 3 simple steps to follow…

Step 1 Repeat the declaration directed to you.

Step 2 Say ‘yes’ at the end of step1 acknowledging the statement.

Step 3 you can stop your transfer anytime by saying “hash stop”.

To proceed, blink your eyes ‘twice’.

tada …the colorful universe flicked for a moment and the kaleidoscopic effect filled my eyes. Due to the sudden brightness and flaring from the screen, I blinked my eyes twice for a couple of times.

The voice said “Access granted ! now you can share your personal experience”.

The avatar introduced herself as ‘Evea’ and asked me her first question “is it true that you and your people did not wear clothes in the past?”

I replied “ No… we were not allowed to wear clothes in the past…hmm…if at all, we were allowed to wear… we are permitted to wear only scantily, old worn or rugged dirty primitive clothes or the clothes worn by the corpses…”

Evae curiously asked me “ is it your traditional practice of your clan or your native hierarchy that they didn’t allow you to wear it now?”

“No…Evea -imagining us… the iconographic image that comes to everyone’s mind thinking of us is that we are half naked, malnourished and primitive… rather than sexy and urbane … “

Evae said “ my apologies for my inability to understand your context”

I smiled and said “ humans too ! now you are machines in the image of humans…”

“Are you a member of “Global Communist Belt”’ asked Evae

“Hell no…I am just a human, back then I was called…no.. We were called ‘slaves’… now a protester…agitator…a rebel…interestingly back through the canopy of times, not wearing a dress made us powerless and now doing the same is called liberation…resistance…revolution… see how times have changed? Evae, do you even understand my context…”

“Retrieving data and analyzing linguistically…” Evae said.

“ I wonder how you machines are also programmed with the same human bias and the error of judgement… if this continues this machine learning and AI will definitely harm people like me around the world.” I said.

She replied.

“Dear Commuter,

If you feel so, you can stop this sharing session by saying ‘hash stop’ or if you feel you need to make any query or complaint you can directly contact our feedback officer by saying “ connect dot Feedback dot officer1…if you still wish to contact one of our human officer leave your number after the beep…he will contact you in the next 24 hours” instructed Evea.

“hmmm…after all you were designed by humans… the bias will be natural… all this started with 1st grade books at school when taught white for beauty and black for ugly..then a slave now a worker…” my inner voice murmured.

There was a sudden tremor inside the carriage. I went blank for minutes… I could hear, distant voice, someone murmuring, changing frequencies of televisions, vehicles beeping on the road …after a heavy breath I opened my eyes, I stood under the bus shelter in Decade street. Just wondered, how did I get back on the road? Giving no second thought or examining the situation, I walked to my apartment a few yards away.

Walking down the alley, I saw the sun rushing down into the sea. As if it was an eclipse, the death of the light spread like smoke. Everything looked shadowed, dim and charred, a perfectly worked out silence, an impeccable stillness and the choking air filled my lungs. Every pacing step unveiled a dormant urban setting looming with mystery. The longer I walked… I felt unnerved by the lifeless city mazes loneliness intensifying and withdrawn with the shady truth of night. My consciousness begged to return smelling a bad vibe, as if something gripping wanders to pose some obscure evil which was inscrutable from the outer world. Though I could not directly perceive it. I was not deeply afraid.

At last, the sight of my apartment fell into my eyes; nothing has changed in these years, except the installation of thermal image scanners.I passed the security check and entered the gate… suddenly my foot began to wobble. Step after step I guessed the disappearance of the asphalt road and hobbled on the loose dry soil. I asked myself ‘how long have I been blotting out through this path… is that true what they say about the place I once lived?… What drives me here? ‘Hmmm..’love’ said my angel side of heart”. The heavy mist began to swirl moving and the desert appeared in front me; I spotted a bubble of lights at a distance which looked like a wide cluster of lights in the universe glowing like rainbow sugar candies. The light gave me hope and I felt the coziness of the child and I paced my steps faster. With each step, I felt I was walking on the void space, a truly surreal fantasy escapade. The street lights were flashing with the intensity of camera flashes.

I saw two elephants guarding my apartment patrolling with walking cane. Four coloured frogs jumped to each square advancing to the fountain of youth on each roll of the 60 sided dice, in a peculiar board game at the children play area. Once magnificent tall, broad and stocky trees, now looked old, slouched, bare and mangled in the outlandish world. For a moment, I checked my senses, whether I belonged to such space and time in real life or this is a mise en scene in my dream.

Scouting around the 42 storied building for nostalgia, I spotted a few neighbors cheering up with barbeque and beer for the weekend. One of them waved his hands and ran towards me and asked “ how are you? Are you here to take back your wife…and did you catch the assassin?”

I smiled and said “ no… he slipped away… Iscariot… What happened here? Everything looks lifeless, withered and wanting…”

Iscariot looked deep into my eyes and said “ Love has left the place…”

I replied “ I don’t understand…”

“ Look around you…do you see any signs of endearment?… Sometimes I doubt, this is why God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah- kids born here these days say they are ‘atheists’, religiously agnostic; we have no problem with that but worshiping and celebrating fringe cults infringes their thoughts and later shatters their total belief system…while pseudo ideology , drugs and technological addiction acts as a catalyst when guns,racism and intolerance are the by product from the society. As this is not enough, stealing and imitation has been replaced with being clever and shrewd when honesty and originality were the real human quality… These days most parents set a wrong example to teach them shortcuts to achieve their goals which exploits the powerless, the haves and have nots … I mean the commoners. These people cannot understand the difference between the diet of the rich and food of the poor… Politicians, Godman and Preachers follow the old technique to divide and rule… Politicians divide us here by race, ethnicity while Godmen divide us by religion and caste.. Yes ! these madness had filled this place… the herds here abide by the rules of shepard they cannot think nor they will be allowed to think…they will be seduced to a fantasy world, where they love to live until they become powerless… they chose to impress others rather than to be truthful to themselves…here we have failed society and our society has failed us… the love for fellow beings and love being lost…now you understand why?” said he.

“Did you read revelation?” I asked him.

“No… but realised I am human…” said he

“That was nice talking to you…where is the lift?”

“ In the same place where you left..”

“It’s been years…can you guide me there?” I requested him

“My pleasure” he said.

I entered the lift and pulled the metal grill manually, looking at his face and hearing his preaching I could not control my anger. Pressing the button to my floor,I picked up my gun and shot him twice through his chest and face…then I realized, I was becoming a part of something.

As the lift passby, the confessed Priest Iscariot fell apart, looking at him this quote naturally popped up into thought “ A bullet kiss is a cold way to meet betrayal ”. Spitting out sour crimson blood from his gut crying with pain he said “sorry for everything”. At the moment, I saw calmness filling his face while the assassin died and the priest won. If he had not been there in my life, we would have lived happily ever after. He butchered our life in the name of caste, creed and colour. I was happy once…I mean we were happy once my conscience said to me.

The lift stopped at my floor, closing the door before the warning sign, I walked to my house and saw the lock was wound and sealed. At the top, it was written “We have shifted out to the basement. Sorry for the inconvenience”. What on earth is happening, has she sold my lucky house? I took the steps in rage to the ground floor, went to the corner block and knocked at last door. The door opened automatically, I saw a tantrik wearing Kavi dhoti with a huge Jadamudi sitting in front of the homa kundam made out of bricks. They have decorated bricks with holy ash, kumkum, turmeric powder and different varieties of Marigold flowers. Around the kundam they drew the kolam in the shape of lotus flower with pink, violet colour. I was stunned for a minute and my body began to shiver looking at the tantric voodoo practices inside my house. My eyes searched for her, my love where is she? I wandered to every corner of the house… the smell of the burnt ash, sandalwood and paneer’s malodorous evil smell made me throw up on the floor. The tantric opened his eyes and looked into me with his evil eyes and two women holding my lover’s arm made her sit in front of a voodoo tantric on the lotus kolam.

My hormones kicked in the flight mode and I rushed out running down the corridor…with no place to hide, I fled into the lift and pressed the 5th floor. The lift and my fear pulled me down. Reaching the floor, I could still hauntingly hear the eerie and disturbing sounds.I calmed myself and walked past the reception to the left side leading to the toilet to wash my face. The smell of burning flesh itched my nose …through the window I saw a big pile of smoke. Two men carrying something like a pumpkin in their basket. I felt curious and I picked up my cell phone and zoomed towards it… At the spur of the moment, a blanket of fear rolled me over and shiver gripped my stomach; my mobile app sent me a warning notification.“Irregular heart beat, sudden temperature rise, high blood pressure may be signs of heart failure or virus fever. Please consult Dr. Hugmi immediately; Warning !!! High Priority.” I saw human monstrosity walking towards the fire with decapitated heads of young boys and girls, just that an Deja vu struck me… those heads belonged to Aki and Abu…those stars crossed young lovers of my time… who eloped at age of sixteen and escaped honour killing, an Idol of lovers, who proved love is everything and love never knew caste, creed and race. I can still remember those events to this day, Aki’s maternal uncle and their clan members after tirelessly searching them for days, took a vow with their blood saying “ They have disgraced our clan, dishonoured our respect, polluted our caste sanctity… of all the bloody whore is filled with filthy blood in her womb…ahh…Just killing them is not enough … they deserve better… Uncle, we must not forgive our harlot and treacherous urchin…before maggots feed on our flesh, I will behead them at the altar of our convention and throw their heads into a wall of fire; Let that be the warning the young boys and girls to not cross the order of their birth”.

Around the wall of fire men and women were making merry, boasting, preening and celebrating their victory over killings. Two men were throwing the humans’ heads into the fiery wall of fire. On throwing every head the crowd went wilder, crazier and the whip of debauchery was unleashed. At once there broke a drunken brawl for grilled vegetables and beef gut stew. It is the nature of humans to find contentment in the death of fellow humans in the pretext of rivalry, enmity, belongingness, possession and love and at times to see their happiness and to be with them is a soul eating emotion.

My inner voice said ‘if this is happening now…then the prophecy will become true. We would be the next victim…oh…God, yes they are going be-head my wife; This is what the prophet said… Am I trapped here after thirty years ? … I too have crossed the order of birth… my rational mind questioned me, did you really see the heads of Aki and Abu? Do you still think the post literate society will punish us for crossing the order of birth ? after these years… yes… look at their heads being tossed like football. Hmmm… humans do enjoy killing. Do they ? Humans have been killing each other for over 10000 years. It is the tendency of humans to be violent and aggressive and be co-operative and peaceful all at the same time. Have not you read that in your psychological class damn it. Cavemens to tribes to clans to mordern warfares humans are extremely territorial and highly social . Once they feel threatened with social status or their territory violence triggers in them and humans are genetically predisposed to violence. What now? I should save my wife and myself” I checked out the ammo for my pistol.

Leaving the toilet, I rushed to lift to the ground floor to save my wife. Yes I am really scared, but I am left with no choices, at this moment one thing that comforts me is my gun. I stood out of the door and peeked into the half closed door. The room was filled with the smoke and smell of loban. I saw my wife hysterically laughing at the sacrificial altar about to be beheaded in seconds. The tantric showed some signs and two men came near him with a blood dripping head collecting basket. I carefully observed her face, she showed no sign of horror or dismay. I guessed she must be in total trance or they must be intoxicated with drugs. All her relatives and maternal uncle were present to give her away for the sake of protecting their honour and respect.

Like in the movies, I wanted to kick open the door and braged infront of them to pull out my pistol shooting those spineless cowards to save my wife. yes , it happened. I pulled out my gun and pointed at my uncle and pressed the trigger once..twice…thrice… and infinite times between those moments my gun stalled, jammed and broke. I had a flash of light hit on my head and I collapsed on the floor.

When I opened my eyes it was pitch dark around me, I had no clue of my whereabouts but I could hear the howling sound of the wind flowing from one side to another. I took out my phone from my pocket unfortunately my mobile’s charge was down. I tried pressing hard on the ON button again and again and the mobile light blinged for a couple of seconds, with that I waved my hand around up and down to sides…My God it looked like I was pushed inside into an abyss. What would anyone do in a situation like that? Stay cool but you have to be, let the not the image of your family nostalgia hurt your thinking ability and affect your reasoning.

I tried walking a few steps to my right… then to my left. Not a ray of light. The ground was bumpy and uneven and so I laid flat on the surface and ran my palm across the floor. It was safe to walk but not without caution. I took courage to walk till the end, but which way?. Anyhow and by any means I had to walk to and fro to find an escape. I noted down the time in my watch and started to move in the right direction for about 10 minutes. Suddenly I saw the radiant light fast approaching me, I stood paralysed for a minute and started to run towards it. It gave me a sign of hope as I was running and my brain asked me a question are you dead ?. Too many things are the same; a light at the end of the tunnel is a common thing but this light looks strange. Everytime I moved towards it moved away. I looked at the clock and only five minutes had gone. Normally if anyone had run for more than five minutes at my speed they would make up to the light. I saw the aura too close and I felt the warmth of the light . I abruptly stopped my running. And began to question my sanity and calculate my footsteps and the time. Maybe I am hallucinating? I have read books and watched many videos on near death experience (NDE) and now I go through the same thing. I checked everything in my space time continuum and everything worked fine. Running for minutes made me tired and sat down on the dark floor and closed my eyes. Now I feel and sense the divine radiant light in front of me. I knew it was over and I was dead.

Now I opened my eyes there was no one before my eyes except the light a few feet across. I screamed, why are you doing this to me? I had a very good life… now look at me in this deep dark dump chasing the sparkles like you. Answer me I am dead? Are you God?. A voice in my ear whispered “I am what I am”. I was thrown back in fear and almost peed in my trousers. I waved my hands swiftly in the dark. Only if someone could have been so nearer to my ear must have whispered it. But I felt the answers in my mind. Though I demanded a direct and conventional answer, I said to myself..

Now the aura came very close to me. For the second time I asked, am I dead? But I felt the answer in me… yet I was curious for acknowledgment. The voice said “ what you see is true and what feels true; fear and love are two driving forces of humans…”.

‘Is that the tendency of all Gods and preachers to speak in some equivocate language and escape the contextual premise? Not with me Mr.Light… answer me this ? what ? you are in the process of it. I almost felt drowned. I knew I was dead. I said “ I have a beautiful family back at home waiting for me. I got to take care of my dying mother….hmmm…. Now I have to save my wife”.

So you want to go back to them but why? Do you remember you have signed your terms and conditions….and I have promised you an everlasting life… don’t you believe me.

“I do…But what’s an everlasting life? Being a God don’t you know being eternal is a curse…praising you all time is rather boring and helpless having lived with worldly pleasures…in one word infinite regress”.

“ I am flattered… the concept of God has evolved since the evolution of cloning and crispr… look at you scared to death in time of the Experience age.

“You can brag about an everlasting life, what does death mean to you? Are you even God?

“If you say so Mr. Aadham…”

“I have seen and watched such conversations in many films and books. I am not surprised. How about you”

“Neither me…you humans are funny and imaginative….that’s why you made up God in your image…”

“Well said…I am an atheist… I just don’t believe in things…”

“ that’s nice… What you think of me?… I know you were scared all through your journey…” said Mr. Light.

“Yes I did… by the way if you are God then what are you made…”

“ I am no God, but there is one to everyone… you know I am neither dead nor alive; I am a piece of everything; I am a star dust; I will live as long as the universe lives and by the way I was created by you the humans…”

I chuckled for a second and asked “ you said, I am the chosen one; you will be with me…though you are dead I will resurrect you… On an important note, my life is not worth resurrecting, there are more people better than me why not look at them…”

Mr. Light replied “ you are more worthier than them…you brain is a best fit to our arsenal”

“My brain…Like what? What will do with my shitty noodle brain” I asked curiously.

He said “patterning…patterning your temporal spatial intelligence; analysing your temporal logic; recording your logic of actions in real time… yet your random problem solving ability is unpatternable and everytime we put you through the test.. You give us chills and make us feel a loser… I really envy you humans… intelligent to the intelligence”

“You do speak like a neurological cognitive scientist and a philosopher…”

“ yes, I am…and everything…”

See Light man I am dead… If not I would have told my friends don’t ever imagine God’s voice to be soft, sweet and polite but funny and waggish…I chuckled”

“I have one question for you, if at all you resurrect me, how long would I live…”

The light man replied “ it’s an interesting question but I don’t want you disappoint you”

“What disappointments do to a dead man…hmm”

He replied “ you are dead since the 2000’s and you have been in this brain tank for over 300 years programmed and stimulated… you are one such human brain that we have seen in centuries…”

Hearing the Light man’s words, my entire body began to shut down, I touched my body, my hands, my legs rolled my tongue up and down…I rolled my body right and left…I heard the church bell at distance. The light man began to fade.

“ oh God !!! bloody hell… you again pissed on our damn bed… dreaming all sci fi stupids shits…get off the bed … you loser… you got two sons to the school and they don’t do this anymore. Look at the time it’s 10.oo AM, Do you think this is the best time to dream and pee everyday.

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Dr.Thanigiavelan aka Oren Tamira is an assistant professor who loves to teach, read and write literature. He has published four books. He loves to explore different themes and motifs in his short stories.