Morning | Ashish Mathew Mammen

“The morning starts with sounds from dreams you create, consciously or unconsciously.”
You cancel yourself out from your own reality.
You do you.
Sounds funny when you think about it. THINK !
Now conclusions would have been made; How come some dreams lull you to sleep, and others just wake you up, thinking the reality that you think you live in, is better.
In the end of the day you wake to the conclusions-
what is real?
which is better?
who the fuck am I?(derived from questions about your purpose and yourself.)
Everyday becomes a battle in itself . Each day is like a sundae of confusion sprinkled with parental melodrama, peer pressure, and you.
What’s really sad?
You are so used to eating this, that you don’t dare to try something else, fearing it will fuck things up even more.
In turn, your loved ones aka enemies take that for granted and they too feed on the same sundae.
Irony- Things get royally fucked.:)
Yes, now for those who believe in the End of the World, that all we do, will have no point. We create, we die and then it all fades away. Pointless, right?
I used to believe that, thought it was pointless. That grew to belittling myself, cocooning into a hard shell of procrastination, masturbation and drugs. A month’s retreat in my room on the 2nd floor, waking up to go down 24 steps and walk another 10 steps to the nearest shop to buy a pack of Gold Flake Kings, 2 packs of Instant Noodles, and if the closest Wine Shop be open, 2 bottles of beer for the day.
This routine exhausted my pocket real quick and then some days I used to restrict myself to just to a cup of tea, 4 cigarettes and then friends pulling in money for dinner, after they come home from college, that I was also enrolled in, but never found any point in going .
A semester passed, with my fluctuating and scarce appearance.
By the time the exams came, teachers didn’t even know I exist.
Briefly put.
Really, no descriptive bullshit.:)
“I fail, parents wail and I have to prevail.“
Then it hit me, one of the questions that blow your mind away.
“If I wasn’t living, then where would I be?“
“If I was alive, isn’t there a point in living?“
“And if there is a point, then what I do will change the World.”
Now this sounds like a crummy old self help book!
Simply put, FUCK OFF AND MAKE WAY.
And so, I did.
Sadly it doesn’t go so well when you grow up.
You become either the -Lucky fuck whose interests tally with great careers prospects and they being good at it or “Me“.(you get the point.)
And for those who don’t.
ME– Self destructive series of dominoes dedicated to fucking up every aspect of “self”.
“I love Radiohead, the ruckus it creates,
as messed up as my room,
as messed up as my mind,
point where all emotions combine,
to become something infinite,
Not confined!
“It” more sublime than what it was meant to define. “

Ashish Mathew Mammen writes on Indian Review | The Literature and Arts Magazine from India.